FUGAZZA Diaries

 Today.  Today, over six months ago, I awoke to the realization that all of the events of the night before, had really happened.  I had watched my Dad die.  After years of watching his health decline; from him hobbling around in his custom-made boot, to a walker, and, finally, a wheelchair. Taking him from one appointment to another, where every visit was just more bad news.  Every phone call and visit with him mattered more, after he was given his death sentence of one to six months-especially when we knew that the six months was highly optimistic. "I've lived a good life," he told me over the phone after we received the news. "I'm not afraid to die."  But I was afraid. I was afraid that what I had been taught all my life would not be true when the moment came for my dad to leave this life for the next. What if Jesus didn't really overcome death? What if there is nothing after this life? This Easter weekend is the first time when I can relate to Jesus...

I have recently been invited to talk on a podcast about why my husband and I have decided to homeschool our children. He sent out an email prepping us for the episode, and he gave us some questions to consider as to why we chose this path. I liked the formulation of these questions, and decided, for journaling purposes, to write a blog article about these questions, and what my answers are concerning them. #1 What was your own schooling and education like? What were the highlights? What were the challenges? My husband was born and raised in Brazil, where he said that his education was poor. He basically learned to read and write, and basic core subjects, like math and history. There wasn't much enrichment in his formal education. But mostly, he said that he never learned good study habits, and that contributed to several years of him trying to earn his bachelor's degree, because he had to take time in his adult like to learn how to learn. For me, I was raised in the United Stat...

 I am going to be completely honest and say that I am doing this post for school. I have been HORRIBLE about keeping up with this blog (as in, this is my first post in over almost a year and a half), but I am glad that I am posting right now, even if it is for a school assignment. Because...I'm back in school! It's crazy, because it wasn't really in my plan to start on the BYU Pathways program and then get accepted to Ensign College, where I am working towards a degree in Applied Communications.  Yet, here I am! I am currently learning more about Social Media Marketing, and how, surprisingly, blogs are very much still in mode, and can be very useful platforms, just like Facebook, Instagram, etc. I am very much out of my element in taking the classes that I am in, but I am learning so much, and so quickly, too! It's a direct testament to the fact that the Lord has been blessing me with understanding and comprehension. He even had me pass my math class back during my BYU ...

  It's not too off mark for me to stay that my start to 2021 has been devastating. On January 26th, my Uncle Dave passed away. He was the father of my best friend, Kristen, who died tragically back in 1990. His death wasn't unexpected, but it was tragically sudden, and I am just grateful that we had said the things we wanted to say, and had the relationship in the later years of our lives that was difficult to do when we both lost Kristen.  I was a month younger than her, and so every big event in my life-high school graduation, for example-he just couldn't bring himself to attend in person. It was too painful. He would come over the day after with roses and a very sincere congratulations for my accomplishments, but 'landmark' events where he imagined Kristen would have done if her time hadn't been cut short, were impossible for him to see me doing. But, there was a moment. It will continue to be the sweetest moment I will ever have of my Uncle Dave. After I had...

 I have loved reading the Doctrine and Covenants this year so far. And even though we're only a couple of weeks in, I have seen Joseph Smith in a new light.  But, before I go on, I must say, you MUST read The Saints vol. 1. And then you MUST read The Saints vol. 2.  Okay, now that I've thrown that out there, let's get on with the reason for my post, shall we? As I said, I have loved seeing Joseph Smith in a new light. As in, seeing him as a normal kid, who, at a young age, had an infection spread to his leg that settled in his bone. Back then, pain medication was limited, but before he even knew about the Word of Wisdom, he refused to drink any alcohol for pain management, because it didn't feel right to him. Wow.  Joseph spent the following years of his life searching for a church to not only join, but more importantly, to help him to repent for his sins and find forgiveness from God. His family joined churches, but Joseph just couldn't really commit to any one org...

 So, the holidays have come and gone, and so has the horrible/crazy/not so horrible/slower 2020! I always love Christmas...celebrating the birth of our Savior for pretty much the entire month of December is just so refreshing and so peaceful. If people don't believe in Christ, then how would they explain the extra happy, extra peace and love that seems to just 'happen' to people during the holiday season?  I notice that His light and love must be much closer to the earth at the close of the year, and even though we were disappointed and 'wanted our money back' after celebrating the beginning of 2020 last year, New Year's Eve was also a breath of fresh air; the promise that 2021 would be better, and so far, we're off to a rocky start, but we need to hope, right?  Anyway, I finished reading the Book of Mormon at the end of the year, and started it up again just a few days ago. I am now in 1 Nephi, chapter eight, which is when Lehi has his very famous dream of ...

 SO.... I have had depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. Whether it was triggered by the loss of my cousin back when I was 11, or even beforehand, when I would experience chronic stomach aches because I hated my second grade teacher. Either way, chronic depression and anxiety have been one of my personal battles for pretty much my entire life.  So, let me start with sharing what I did wrong...for most of my life. And then, I will share with you what I am currently doing, that is working for me. It's a work in progress, and I know that this will be a struggle for me for my entire mortal sojourn, but finding methods that work, has been life changing.  What I did wrong... I ate. A lot. I clearly remember the day that I consciously ate an entire box of macaroni and cheese by myself in one sitting AS A SNACK. I was sixteen years old at the time, and luckily, I had youth and a great metabolism on my side, but I clearly remember thinking that I needed to numb my ...

 I read a comment on Facebook the other day, and it plunged my thoughts into meditation on a very fitting and very important topic for this 2020 year, and for the Christmas season.  In a nutshell, to paraphrase what I read, spells out the interesting fact that helping others and receiving help from others are compatible with each other. Meaning, in order to fully understand service to others, you should be okay with receiving service for yourself.  So, this simple thought made me think deeply about why it is so hard for me personally, to accept help. Why do I make life so much harder for myself that I can't admit that I need others to step in and do things for me? There seem to be a few reasons for this: Firstly, I think that our society pushes us to either be ultra independent, or ultra dependent on family and others, and there is no emphasis on the in between. There are SO many ways to DIY our lives or just call and have someone take care of things for a reasonable pric...

 Today was the day that I have been looking forward to/dreading for eleven years. Today was the day that my firstborn girl turned 11 years old. Isn't that wonderful? Isn't it exciting that she's getting older? Yes, that's true, but the reason why I dreaded this day, has unearthed emotions and memories for me that are kind of hard to digest. Let me explain:  This day not only is the day that my daughter turned 11, nor is it the day that we celebrate those that served and fought for our freedom in the military, but this day was also the birthday of a very special person that left this earth far too soon.  Her name was Kristen Nielsen. She was my cousin and very best friend. Her birthday and my daughter's birthday are the same, and there's a very special thing to that, because Kristen died when she and I were both eleven years old.  It is because of this parallel, that I struggle with today. You see, as happy and as wonderful as it was to celebrate my daughter'...

 Have you been so completely disappointed in shows lately? And then, because of COVID, the movie theaters and movies that I have been so looking forward to are being pushed back to 2021 (we hope!), makes it even more depressing. So, about four years ago, I realized that one of the reasons why my depression/anxiety was so bad (I've had it all my life), was because I would mindlessly watch whatever. I was mindful of movie ratings, but for the most part, if the rating was acceptable, then whatever in it was 'acceptable'. But after a time, I started to experience weird mood swings, my thoughts were going to dark and weird places and my overall mood was affected. And, to make it even more interesting; I was managing my father's movie theater at the time, and so movies were free, and I would watch whatever was playing, because...why not, right? FREE!! Anyway, after a steady diet of whatever I was watching, I finally had a "Come to Jesus" moment with myself. I starte...

Wow! A ten year hiatus from writing on my diary blog! That must be some kind of record.  I have looked at the few entries I made from back when my G was a baby...and now she's almost 11! It is so true the saying, 'the days are long but the years are short'. So precise! Since I have been gone for ten years, I have also had another beautiful baby girl, who is six! Little S is a sassy, sweet and overly affectionate child. She's the girl that loves mermaids, unicorns, princesses and anything sparkly. After only knowing G as the sporty and low maintenance kid, S has been new territory. They are both such a blessing to me in my life, and I love them with all my heart.  So, I have since had a change of heart myself! What with it being 2020 (that number alone should inspire reasons as to why I have decided to start up my blog again, considering how CRAZY this year is!), I wanted to use this blog as more of a reach out to the world with my thoughts. I am known on my other social...

Giada has finally got a full little chicklet smile on the front of her mouth! She cut the two top front teeth just a couple of days ago. However, I believe that there are more coming in, because other than being her cute and happy self, she's been a little extra fussy (and drool-y). Her favorite thing to do? Try to bite Mom and Dad's noses and cheeks! She thinks it's hilarious when we pull away in pain. And don't even get me started on the cat. The poor thing gets tufts of fur yanked out every day. It's also a good thing that her tail is so firmly attached. How do we know that for sure? Gia's tried to pull it off, almost every day. Poor cat. But, before you go feeling too sorry for her, just remember that the cat holds her own. She's pawed and pounced on Gia a number of times to let her know whose still the boss at the house (or at least that's what she believes. That's okay...a delusional cat is a happy cat). On another note, Giada's palate f...

Now that Giada's eating solids, there have been many exciting new tastes that she has enjoyed. Her favorite dinner foods include chicken nuggets, peas, and small tastes of a cookie. For breakfast? Cheerios, sucking and biting on a piece of bagel, and homemade apple sauce. Now, as far as lunch goes, she just snacks on things, like cheese (which she LOVES; not only is she the spitting image of Rob, but also adores cheese like her father), crackers, and apparently, CAT FOOD. I can't even tell you how many times I see her hovering around the cat food dishes. Now, you are probably asking yourself, "What kind of a mother would leave out the cat's food dishes for the baby to find?" Oh, okay, so first of all, whoever is thinking that, they either have never had a child, or they no longer live on this planet because they are PERFECT. I have taken the dishes away, and swept and mopped my floors, but apparently, Giada still seems to find a disgusting fish, chicken or beef f...

Okay, so the last time I wrote on my blog, it was like two weeks ago. I took Giada to visit my aunt in CA, and we had a great visit! Though it was too fast, we were able to take Gia to Disneyland (pics to follow, when I get my arse in gear and upload them to my computer from the camera), and most importantly, we visited our uncle that is very sick with cancer in an assisted living facility. If you were to ask me what my favorite part of our trip was, it wouldn't be Disneyland, amazingly enough. Though the churros were way hot and fresh, and the rides were memorable, as well as the tear inducing fireworks show; visiting a bunch of elderly people with a baby was way more entertaining. The first person to get to know Giada at the nursing home was my uncle's mother, who is 100 years old. We were afraid that my daughter was going to crush the poor woman. Instead, Giada admired her shirt buttons, and rings on her fingers. In response, auntie gave Gia a beautiful 'specimen' ...

Okay, I know that I mentioned this in yesterday's posting, but I still can't believe how crazy it is to pack for a baby for a weekend. Seriously, the list for what I need to take for Giada just keeps growing and growing. Only about a third of the suitcase is full of stuff for me. I just have to say that I am going to look hot in the two outfits that I will wear for the four days I will be gone :) Oh well, at least Gia's going to look adorable! The flight should be interesting; I hope that it's not too full so that I can have some room for me and the baby. I also hope that if someone is 'blessed' to sit by us, that person will be patient and kind. I hope it all goes well. As for the trip, I am more excited for my aunt to see Giada than I am for Disneyland. Isn't that funny? I am looking forward to seeing how my aunt will react to her, and Giada's reaction. She loves the attention, so I'm sure it will be wonderful for both of them. And, I'll have...

Hello everyone! I haven't been posting entries for a  few days due to crazy times with the family being in town. If you know my peeps, then you would understand the total chaos and insanity that ensues when all of my family gets together. And you thought you couldn't get a word in edgewise with just me! :) Well, here's a little mini update: Giada and I are going to visit our dear Aunt Colleen on Friday, and while we are there, we are going to Disneyland! Grandma and Auntie Erin are going as well! Rob unfortunately, has to work, but I am grateful for such a loving and hard-working husband, who is dedicated to taking care of 'his' girls. I am excited to see Giada's reaction to Disneyland, though if it's like the zoo, she will notice the fence, grass, and the interior of her stroller more than a gigantic giraffe that stood directly over her. Oh well, the fun is more for her Mommy anyway, since I haven't been to Disneyland in nearly a decade. It should be...

Today is the most perfect day to begin writing an 'online journal' of my daughter and me. My dad, who is in town for the week, finally got to spend the day with his only granddaughter, for the second time since she was born. Giada, as some of you know, is a very happy baby, and she was really happy to get to know her grandpa. She was a bit wary of him at first, but soon she was charming her grandpa with her wide grin. Grandpa fed her some ice cream, and some cold melon and prosciutto soup, which Giada loved both. Grandpa also would ask everyone around us (total strangers), if they agreed that 'his granddaughter' wasn't the most beautiful girl in the entire world? Though I agree whole heartedly that she is indeed the most beautiful, I am sure that others were extremely polite in agreeing with my very proud Dad of his little granddaughter. It was a sweet day. Now, as a mom, I must tell you something...I am so grateful for my beautiful girl. I know that God knew tha...

Okay, so I said at the beginning of this blog that I was going to just update the life of my baby girl, Giada. Though it was a noble idea, I have decided that trying to post little tidbits of my daily life as a stay at home mom on my blog, would be rather refreshing. So, I will be doing both; updating everyone on my princess and her life adventures, and adding my own comments on how my life has changed since becoming a mother. Hope you like it! Mama Mia! So, Rob has a mistress, and her name is Settebello. She's an authentic Napoletana Pizzeria in downtown Salt Lake City. Every time we go downtown to eat, Rob wants to eat there. It's pretty tasty, I must admit, but the last time we went, which was almost a week ago, we had Giada give it a taste for the first time. After all, the girl is Italian, and it's in her DNA to love pizza, right? When we put the crust in her mouth, she just clamped down on it, and stared at us. It was like, "What do you expect me to do wi...