Trying NOT to be Sariah

 So, the holidays have come and gone, and so has the horrible/crazy/not so horrible/slower 2020! I always love Christmas...celebrating the birth of our Savior for pretty much the entire month of December is just so refreshing and so peaceful. If people don't believe in Christ, then how would they explain the extra happy, extra peace and love that seems to just 'happen' to people during the holiday season? 

I notice that His light and love must be much closer to the earth at the close of the year, and even though we were disappointed and 'wanted our money back' after celebrating the beginning of 2020 last year, New Year's Eve was also a breath of fresh air; the promise that 2021 would be better, and so far, we're off to a rocky start, but we need to hope, right? 

Anyway, I finished reading the Book of Mormon at the end of the year, and started it up again just a few days ago. I am now in 1 Nephi, chapter eight, which is when Lehi has his very famous dream of the Tree of Life and the iron rod and the great and spacious building. etc. 

BUT, for my post today, I want to talk about 1 Nephi chapter 5. If you have not read the Book of Mormon yet (do it! It's amazing!), let me fill you in on what I am talking about...

Lehi was a prophet who lived in Jerusalem, about 600 years before Christ's birth. Jerusalem was a hot mess; the Roman empire was already taking over everything, but what's cool about the Book of Mormon, is you read about the spiritual happenings of history. Jerusalem was WICKED. VERY wicked. Prophets were being stoned in the streets for calling the people to repentance. Lehi was one of those prophets. He received revelation from God through dreams, and he had a dream that the great city of Jerusalem would be destroyed. 

So, he went forth and shared that information with the people. They didn't like it. They hated it and hated him. So, his life was in danger. He was told by the Lord that he should take his family and leave the city and go out into the wilderness. From what we can deduce, Lehi was a well off man. He had a nice home, riches, etc., and he left it all behind, taking only his family, wilderness survival supplies like tents, food, etc., and left. His oldest sons, Laman and Lemuel, were not happy with this, but they went, anyway.

Well, to get to the reason of my post subject line, Lehi's family is out in the wilderness, when Lehi receives another instruction from the Lord. It is to send his four sons (Laman, Lemuel, Sam and Nephi), BACK to Jerusalem, to get the brass plates (family records and scriptures), from the local military governor (and distant relative), Laban. 

So, here's where Sariah needs to be mentioned, as she's the focal point of my post here. Sariah, the dutiful wife of Lehi, and mother to Laman, Lemuel, Sam and Nephi. In Bedoin culture, the women of that time were the ones that set up/broke camp and did all of the day to day things. Lots of work, I am sure. So, here is Sariah, who already left her comfortable home, her riches and nice things, possibly a tight knit unit of friends who she had connected/commiserated with through the child raising years, and left it all behind to go out in the wilderness, with only the knowledge that eventually Jerusalem would no longer be around, and eventually, the Lord would lead her family to a pretty awesome place, known as the 'promised land'. 

So I try to put myself into Sariah's place. To walk in her shoes, or sandals.  I probably at least believe that my husband is a prophet. I probably have a testimony of it. Yet I probably wonder what in the world we are doing, leaving all of our stuff behind, and roughing it in the wilderness. Perhaps in the back of my mind I am thinking that maybe this might just be temporary. Maybe I have faith sufficient in the Lord to know for sure that what's going to happen to my family will be a good thing, or maybe I have some doubts and reservations. But then, I find out that my husband wants to send my sons BACK to Jerusalem, to Laban, who is NOT a good person, and I get nervous. As would be normal, right? My husband assures me that the Lord commanded it so they will be fine, and I am sure that helps, but I have already given up SO MUCH, I worry that I'll be giving up my kids and their safety. I am sure that Sariah prayed, that she sought the Lord for comfort. and that He gave it, but I am still wanting to know FOR SURE that things will be fine. 

I am Sariah. I am trying not to be, but I am. I do things that the Lord asks of me, but I would be a big, fat liar if I said that I didn't have some doubt in the back of my mind as to how things will work. Some would say that it's just normal to do that, that we're human and we want to just know for sure how our future unfolds. And, they're right. But I am not trying to be like Sariah, I am trying to be like Jesus, and He would want me to trust Him completely, and not doubt. 

So, as I would have done, while my sons are away and the time is ticking by and they haven't returned yet, I would start to worry. The doubts would double, triple, quadruple and I would have to try and keep my anxiety at bay. I would distract myself with my daily routine, but the gnawing in my stomach would intensify, and soon the worry would eat away at me. Then, I would speak to my husband about it and he would say what Lehi DID say...that they will be 'fine', because the Lord promised that He would protect their sons. But my mama heart would still worry, as any good mother's heart would, and pretty soon, I would take my worry out on my husband. I would even accuse him of being a 'visionary man', because my vision of the Lord's plan is limited, and my faith is being tested and I don't know if it's strong enough. 

And then my husband, Lehi, would bear his testimony to me that hadn't the Lord already done what He said he would do? That He would safely lead us as a family out of the wicked city and He did just that? And my heart would soften a little bit. And then Lehi would continue to talk about how he knows that the Lord ALWAYS keeps His word, and so, their sons will be fine. And they were! They come back, in one piece, with the records, and I LOVE what Sariah says...

"Now I know of a surety that the Lord hath commanded my husband to flee into the wilderness; yea and I also know of a surety that the Lord hath protected my sons, and delivered them out of the hands of Laban, and given them power whereby they could accomplish the thing which the Lord hath commanded them..." (Book of Mormon, 1 Nephi chapter 5, verse 8)

When her sons returned, her peace was full. Her heart was softened, and she caught the vision that the Lord really was taking care of her and her family, like He promised. 

So, I do not want to be like Sariah; before her faith was proven. But I AM like her. Instead of complaining about how my life is NOT like I wanted, or that hard things in my life are an inconvenience and not something that I need right now, I need to be reminded that the Lord promised me, that if I do what He promises, He WILL deliver me, and all will be well. 

I think me being like Sariah was all of 2020. It was a confusing year; so many changes in our lives, that it was hard not to experience the anxiety, the doubts, the disappointments. But, the Lord's promises are sure...even through 2020, and now going into 2021. Now, on the other end of a whirlwind year, I have changed, and I feel like I am more of the faith-filled, hopeful Sariah, the one that sees her sons safe return, and her hope becomes certainty. 

No matter what happens in our lives, we can choose to be anxious, afraid, upset, mad, peaceful, faithful or hopeful. Sure, even though Lehi knew his sons would be safe, I bet he still prayed to have the anxiety of their absence to be calmed. That's just human nature, and I am pretty sure that Lehi wasn't immune to that. But, his faith was strong; he recognized all that the Lord had already done for them, and he knew that the Lord wouldn't stop doing that. 

And He won't. He will ALWAYS be there, and He will always keep His promises to us. Every. Single. One.