FUGAZZA Diaries

 SO.... I have had depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. Whether it was triggered by the loss of my cousin back when I was 11, or even beforehand, when I would experience chronic stomach aches because I hated my second grade teacher. Either way, chronic depression and anxiety have been one of my personal battles for pretty much my entire life.  So, let me start with sharing what I did wrong...for most of my life. And then, I will share with you what I am currently doing, that is working for me. It's a work in progress, and I know that this will be a struggle for me for my entire mortal sojourn, but finding methods that work, has been life changing.  What I did wrong... I ate. A lot. I clearly remember the day that I consciously ate an entire box of macaroni and cheese by myself in one sitting AS A SNACK. I was sixteen years old at the time, and luckily, I had youth and a great metabolism on my side, but I clearly remember thinking that I needed to numb my pain. And

 I read a comment on Facebook the other day, and it plunged my thoughts into meditation on a very fitting and very important topic for this 2020 year, and for the Christmas season.  In a nutshell, to paraphrase what I read, spells out the interesting fact that helping others and receiving help from others are compatible with each other. Meaning, in order to fully understand service to others, you should be okay with receiving service for yourself.  So, this simple thought made me think deeply about why it is so hard for me personally, to accept help. Why do I make life so much harder for myself that I can't admit that I need others to step in and do things for me? There seem to be a few reasons for this: Firstly, I think that our society pushes us to either be ultra independent, or ultra dependent on family and others, and there is no emphasis on the in between. There are SO many ways to DIY our lives or just call and have someone take care of things for a reasonable price. Why wor